“My Dad had the opinion that he wasn’t a ‘proper veteran’ - he’d never Served in a ‘real’ war, he hadn’t been injured and he felt other people needed support more. I tried, I really tried to get him to veterans’ services but he could be so stubborn.”
From an early age, Becky was effectively her father’s carer. “It was complete role reversal. I parented him rather than the other way around. I was about 10 when his mental health issues began to affect family life. It was me who took the responsibility of looking after us kids and Dad”. Becky’s carer role continued as she studied, went into work and had her own family.
Over time, she’d watched as her dad, Stewart, gradually isolated himself through confining himself to his own home. Time went on and his behaviours became entrenched. He started to consume rolling news media and wouldn’t leave the house - just in case he missed something. “He’s a very caring man and I’d say he couldn’t take all the world’s troubles on his shoulders, so he should turn the telly to something else. He wouldn’t though.”
Becky vividly remembers coming across Positive Futures. “We’d had his advisor suggesting a service and Dad’s usual stubborn reaction of ‘I’m not taking charity’ or ‘It’s not for me’. To be fair, he had tried some of the suggestions and they hadn’t worked out so he could be a wee bit sceptical.”
Positive Futures struck a real chord with Stewart, who had enjoyed outdoor activities in the Army.
“The next step was probably the best thing that’s happened to Dad in years - he met his Outreach Worker. She’s phenomenal - the most incredible lady - and I can’t praise her or thank her enough for what she, and the rest of the staff, did for Dad. They truly changed my Dad’s life for him.”
Becky was impressed with the management of her father’s case, watching how her Dad engaged with his worker and Positive Futures. “Dad’s needs were accommodated. His Outreach Worker offered a time and a place to meet that Dad could cope with getting to and he was happy meeting her alone. I could see progress even before he went away.”
When her Dad’s Wilderness Journey came around, Becky accompanied her father to the station. “He didn’t want to go. He stood there and made every excuse not to. In the end, I phoned his worker, and she helped to persuade him to go. I wouldn’t say I shoved him on the train but it was very close.”
Waiting to meet her Dad on his return, Becky was apprehensive about how he might be. “A completely different man bounced off the train. The changes in him over those few days were completely incredible - I’d never expected anything like that. I don’t know what I expected but it certainly wasn’t what I got. He was so upbeat and spilling over about the great time he’d had and how wonderful it had been.”
Struck by the immediate changes in her Dad, Becky wasn’t entirely ready for the complete change in his behaviour. From being socially isolated and staying indoors, Stewart started to go out and about. “I’d be in Tesco and he’d pop up there doing his shopping. I’d bump into him in town or see him out and about. It was a real shock at first, but I’ve got used to it. Now, he’s never at home.”
“And he’s turned the telly off.” To Becky this was a strong indicator of lasting change in her Dad, especially when he started to listen to a positive radio station instead. “He listens to good things now rather than bad and he’s taken to pinning positive messages about his flat.”
Stewart’s new behaviours have helped Becky too. “It’s taken a huge weight off my mind. I don’t have to worry about him with the intensity I did before. I didn’t realise what a burden it was until it wasn’t there anymore.”
“I thought there would be a drop off in the effects of being away but there hasn’t been. He goes for everything now. No anxiety, no ‘what if’s?’, no ‘but’s…’ He’s completely changed his life around and he’s happy.”
The only minor downside for Becky is one she’s been very happy to accept. “I’ve lost my on-demand babysitter. Dad was always there, alone in the house, and he would step in if I needed childcare in a hurry. It doesn’t matter though - I’d rather have Dad as he is now than as he was then.”
“Up until the point he went on Positive Futures, I was effectively his carer. I’m not anymore. He looks after himself and there’s now two people living fulfilled lives - him and me. It’s a huge change for me and an even bigger change for him. I do genuinely miss (in a very positive way) not seeing him every day but I wouldn’t ever want to go back to where we were.”
* The names have been changed in this case study
**This is a case study from an independent report of the first three years of the Positive Futures programme by GAP Communications.
*** The programme during this time was funded by the Forces in Mind Trust (FiMT), a £35 million funding scheme run by FiMT using an endowment awarded by the Big Lottery Fund.